I'll be the one if you want me to
by Allthesestars
Summary: Knowing and hating each other since tender age, Princess Emma and Killian Jones have been betrothed by the desire of the families. But there is struck a deal, if they find someone else to love or, at least, can't stop hating each other before the princess celebrates her 23 birthday, they will be free from the engagement. It's not as easy as it seems.
1. Chapter 1

**_I. The very first words Of a lifelong love letter_**

_He is thirteen and he hates the little princess._

She is eleven and loud and prissy and likes to call him names – she has an especial interest in calling him short because they are the same height- and stick her tongue at him and he doesn't want to marry her when they are older.

At least that's the only thing they agree.

"But mom!" She whines next to him. "I don't want to marry him! He is stiff and stupid and a pain in the ass!"

"Emma!" the Queen's eyes widen comically at her daughters words. His husband muffles a laugh behind her with pride in his eyes. The queen catches him and reprobates him with a severe look. "Who taught you words as such?"

"Killian" she replies looking at him with a deadly glare. Which he reciprocates.

"I never said something like that, and least in front of you." His eyes widen in fear and he looks back at his brother who stands behind him "I swear"

"Oh well, but I've heard you talking with your brother that h_aving to entertain that bloody princess was a pain in the ass. K_nowing you I put two and two together and understood that it wasn't exactly a compliment"

Liam stiffens a laugh behind him.

"You little…"

"Both of you, stop!" Yells the queen graving each other's shoulders with a firm grip but not enough to bruise.

"But, your highness" he replies with a calm demeanor, trying to ignore the need to push the little princess away from him and storm away from the room "your love story is a legend between all the kingdoms. I just don't understand why you would put someone under the despair of an arranged marriage knowing what it entails."

Snow White sighs and answers in a softer and least urgent tone. "You are so young to understand it"

"And we aren't too young to have a fiancé?" replies Emma, nearly growling at her mother.

"Your highness" comes Liam's voices behind him. "I don't want to be impertinent or inconsiderate about the honor you bestowed to my brother and our family, but maybe they are right."

The Queen sighs and gently rubs the bridge of her nose.

"Okay" she looks between the two kids "the engagement will stand still until you both reach the age of twenty three. If you can't tolerate each other then, or you have found someone you deeply love before that date, everything will be cancelled and you are free to marry whoever you want. Understood?"

That's better than being irrevocably forced to marry her, so he nods. Emma looks at him during a few seconds until she nods too. Then she pries away from her mother's hold and storms away without looking back.

He vows at the Queen and King and he goes her same path but without any intention to follow her.

But he is calm, because there is no way in earth that he could befriend her, not saying love her.

At least, he thinks so.

…

_She is twelve and she wants to be a pirate._

She wants to be free, she wants to sail a ship around the world without duties, cares or any attachment. Without someone telling her what to do or how to behave.

Without having to be a princess and learn protocol.

So she storms away from her governess and goes to her hiding spot, a tree near the castle walls which she can climb easily even with a dress. She sits in the highest branches and looks out to the blue deep sea and starts to dream about a better life...

"You are going to fall" comes a voice from below her.

...Until her daily torment appear.

"I'm not going to fall" she replies, rolling her eyes, even if from his place on the ground he can't see it "I'm not like other people with very clumsy hands who couldn't ride a horse"

"Oi! That was five years ago and it was my first try"

"Your only try you meant"

"I can help if that bloody beast was born from the same pit of hell"

"Coward"

"Babbler"

"Idiot"

"You are lucky that I'm a gentleman and I'm not going to keep that banter going."

"Since when you are a gentleman?"

"I am always I gentleman. It's good form."

"I tough you were always an ass"

He sighs. "Could you please come down, your highness?"

"I don't want to."

"Is there any way I can convince you otherwise?"

"No"

She hears him mutter curses under his breath and some rustling of clothes under her, which she ignores and refocuses her attention on the sea…

… until Killian sits beside her.

"What are you doing?" she exclaims startled.

"As you don't wanted to climb down I've had to come here to make sure you don't fall." He replies without looking at her.

"So you care about me now, little sailor?"

"I care about my bloody neck. If something happened to you under my watch your parents will kill me, then the dwarfs, then Liam and then your parents again." He sighs exasperated. "And you and I know that you can't call me little anymore, ugly duckling"

She punches his arm with force enough to bruise even if he is right, in the last year he grew up 15 inches, making him taller than her, and she is still struggling with finding new names to irritate him.

The silence settles between them as the sun starts to set.

"How did you know I was here? No one knows about my secret spot." She whispers.

"I honestly don't know. I just know I can always find you, which I'm starting to think as a curse"

She punches him again.

"Would you please stop?" he yells at her, nursing his now bruised arm "My arm is going to fall off!"

"Prim"

"Tomboy"

"Asshole"

"Oi! That's new!" He replies with a mocking laugh "Who taught you that?"

"I heard it from your brother's companions the other day" she swings her legs over the edge and looks wistfully at the sea. "It must be beautiful out there." He looks at her oddly "You know. The sea, the wind, the adventure, the freedom. I want it."

"Aye. But it's dangerous too, especially for little prissy princess like you." He replies with a smirk and she furrows her eyebrows, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Furthermore, the castle isn't beautiful enough for you?" He replies looking straight at her.

"Even the most beautiful cage is still a prison for the bird."

"Aye, but…"

What he is going to say it's swallowed by her scream as the branch breaks and both of them fall into the void.

Killian puts his arms around her, without a second of hesitation, protecting her the best he can from the solid and hard ground.

She doesn't want neither of them to get hurt. She wishes that something could save them, that something could stop their fall.

Even if she hates him and he is stupid and a know-it-all and infuriating.

She doesn't want him to get hurt.

They never made contact with the ground.

When she opens her eyes, she only sees Killian's shirt and she has to make an effort to look around them because his hand is pressing against her head with such force that it even hurts.

"Jones, look"

They are floating at one meter from the floor by a sparkling blue cloud.

"What the bloody hell is this?"

She looks at him and a shy smile spreads across her lips.

"I think I've just made magic."


	2. Chapter 2

**First of all, thank you for the reviews and all the follows and favorites, it really makes me happy!**

**And for ****Shelllee24**** yes, there is an age gap of two years between them and the limit time is when Emma reaches the age of 23. **

**Hope you like it, and as always, reviews and favorites are really appreciated. **

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**Chapter II: Even the best fall down sometimes (even the stars refuse to shine)**

He is fifteen and he doesn't understand why the world is so unfair.

He looks at the piece of paper in his hand. He reads over and over the same words.

_Liam Jones. Storm. Deceased. _

With the paper crunched in his hands and his jaw tensed, he picks up his sword and starts hitting the straw dummy with all his force and wrath.

He loses the track of time, his palms burn and he thinks they are bleeding, but he doesn't feel the pain anymore.

_He doesn't feel anything._

He barely registers her frantic footsteps entering the stable.

Killian hears over the buzz in his ears the princess saying his name. He sinks his sword into the target center and turns to her.

"What the bloody hell you want?!"

Emma is slightly taken aback by his tone, he can see it in her eyes, but she stands her ground, her head high and her hand fisted in her dress.

She is a royal after all, so she knows how to hold her ground. Otherwise she will be dammed.

"My mother woke me up to tell me the bad news" she replies, her voice getting softer as she speaks. "I'm so sorry"

She takes one step further and he takes a step back.

"You're sorry? You're sorry?!" Killian screams at her. "You bloody royals! This is all your fault! If you didn't sent him in that last journey he would be alive!"

She remains silent.

"And you dare to come here and say you're sorry? **YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO LOSE THE PERSON YOU LOVE THE MOST. HOW CAN YOU EVEN DARE TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY**?"

He is breathing is heavy, his chests aches and his head hurts.

"Are you done?" Emma finally answers.

He feels like he's got out from a trance, and he finally looks at her.

He now realizes that she is in her nightgown, light blue and not proper enough for wandering around the castle during midnight. She's barefoot and her golden hair is in a messy braid, strands hair falling around her face like a halo. Her eyes a red and puffy, her face pale and her mouth turned down.

Killian just nods at her.

"Okay"

In two long steps she is beside him. Her arms snickers around his middle and she pulls him to her.

"I know I can't properly understand what it feels to lose someone you deeply love" she whispers against his shoulder. "But I'm here for you"

He knows this is barely good form. It's the middle of the night and they are alone without a chaperone, and she is her nightgown and he is only wearing his shirt and a slacks and-

_Screw property. _

_In the end they are still just two kids who used to pull off each other's hair off._

He hugs her back as the first tears falls down, to land on her slightly covered shoulder.

He takes a deep breath and he starts to sob, everything finally catching up on him.

He cries and cries and her hold on him only tightens.

There is a moment when Emma pulls away, when his throat dry and his eyes aching.

Her hand moves from his long hair (when did it move there) to his cheek and she dries the remaining tears with her thumb.

He tries to run his hand up her back but it hurts and he grimaces.

She pulls back to take a good look at them and she just give him a sweet soft smile.

"Come here and sit with me" she whispers, pulling him into the piled straw in the floor.

As they sit, Emma pulls his hands in her lap and closes her eyes.

"Lass…"

She makes him shut up when her own hands star to glow in pure white light.

He has seen her do magic countless times in the last year, time and time again since she saved them from falling and her parents called Regina for tutoring her. Ever since that day, he couldn't stop following her around. From being nearly enemies and hating each other, they slowly became friends. She's always asking about the sea, about distant lands and adventures. He is always watching her.

He's seen her do incredible things, from light a candle to make a dagger materialize in her hands. Regina says she has a gift and Emma is eager to play with it.

He's seen her magic, but he never has been the object of it.

He feels warm, the skin in his palms sewing itself with a comforting buzz that makes his skin tingle.

When the light fades, she still holds his calloused hands with her softer and smaller ones, tracing soft circles with her thumb against the back of his palms.

"I cared about him too, you know?" she whispers, tears starting to fall.

He rest his head in her shoulder.

"I know"

Later, he will wake up wrapped around her, her cheek resting in his shoulder this time, arms around his torso and a blanket tossed over them (some servants? Her parents?)

Later, he would try to disentangle away from her. He will tuck the blanket around her so she doesn't catch a cold. He will pull away the strands of golden hair that cover her beautiful face.

Later, he will leave her to sleep. He'll need to be alone with his thoughts. He'll need to properly mourn his brother.

Later.

Killian feels her shift, her hand combing through his hair in soft caresses, her free hand tangled up in his.

He thinks that her hands are soothing and a deep corner in his mind wonders if she is using magic on him again or it's just _her._

"I'm here" she whispers, snuggling closer.

"I know" he answers.

But for now, he'll rest in her arms.

…

_She is fourteen and she wants to forget about the world._

So she runs, runs as far as her legs can carry her.

She someway ends up where her tree used to be, when they fall, her parents cut it down.

Instead they built stairs until the top of the walls so she can climb them and stare at the sea for hours.

Sometimes she is alone, sometimes her parents or Grumpy come with her.

Sometimes it's Killian, always know it all Killian, stick up in the ass. Sweet adorable Killian.

But this last days it was just _him_ and her, stealing kisses, talking about a future that she now sees will never be real.

She feels her heart bleeding.

"I knew you'll be here" she hears a voice from behind her and she dries the tears from her eyes before turning to face him.

"How?" She whispers.

Killian throws a brilliant smile at her.

"I told you I have this kind of curse that always makes me find you." He replies with a smirk and she gives him a nasty look. "And the earth is still muddy from the rain, so I just followed your footprints."

She rolls her eyes.

_"This boy is going to be the dead for me"_ she thinks

When he approaches her to lean against the wall, giving his back to the sea, she rectifies herself.

Man, not boy.

"Why did you run from us when your mother told you that Lord Gold and his son Baelfire leaved the castle?" He asks, staring at her eyes, probably already worried about how puffy they looked after all the tears.

"If I said that it's nothing, would you believe me and leave me alone?"

"Not bloody likely, lass."

She sights, her shoulders slumping.

"You liked him, didn't you?"

She snorts.

"I wish it was only that"

He arches an eyebrow, encouraging her to keep talking.

"We were… involved." She admits, with flushed cheeks.

He stills beside her.

"Did you… Did he…?"

"No!" she answers, cheeks flushing at his implication as she slaps his arm. "We just kissed!"

_Even if he had wanted to_, she adds internally, but doesn't dare to voice her thoughts aloud.

Killian stares at her, shoulders relaxing but jaw still tense.

"I thought we were… in a relationship. He said we will marry one day, that he'll take me to sail the world in his father's ships." Emma says seconds later, her eyes turning to the dark waters. "But obviously he didn't feel the same way. He didn't even say goodbye"

There is an awkward silence, only filled by the sound of the sea crashing against the castle walls.

"And, obviously, his fiancé didn't either." She finally says with a bitter smile.

She thought that he was it, he was what her parent always talked about.

Her happy ending, her chance of true love.

But she just has been used

"He is a bloody idiot and a bastard." He spits like he has venom in his mouth. "He doesn't even deserve you thinking about him."

"I know, but it's hard." she whispers. "How can you make a broken heart beat again?"

She feels his hand covering hers where it's resting in the stone wall.

"If it can be broken, it means it still works." Killian whispers, the seriousness on his voice and the intense look in his blue icy eyes astounding her.

They stare at each other.

Years, months, days, minutes, seconds.

Too overwhelmed, she breaks their connection, pulling her hand away, tucking some strands that have felt from her bun and laughs.

"This feels weird" she laughs, her hip bumping into his, giving him playful shove.

"What? Talking with me, your fiancé, about your love life that doesn't remotely involve me?" he replies, with a smirk across her face.

"Nonexistent love life from now on" she says with a sad smile. "I'm quitting, I renounce to search for my _one true love_. You're stuck with me, sailor"

He doesn't answer her, and for a moment she is afraid that he has really find someone. After all she heard in the kitchens that some of the maids had seen her flirting with a brunette that worked down the docks.

He runs one hand through his hair, pulled up in that stupid pony tail that always irked her.

"You know" he says not looking at her "even if you aren't my first option in people who I want to wed, I learned to care about you."

"Oh, really?"

"Aye. We are friends. Right?"

She smiles at him, her heart not hurting so much right now.

"Right"

If her eyes grace down to his lips she is not going to admit it. Not in a thousand years.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter III: Say something I'm giving up on you (I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you)**

He is seventeen and it's her birthday.

Well, yesterday was her birthday.

She was turning fifteen and her parent organized a big great ball for all the Enchanted Forest to attend. Everyone was excited to go.

Except her.

They practically had to drag her to the ball with the promise that she could spend the next night doing whichever she wanted, with certain restrictions.

She choose going into a tavern and her parents accepted with the condition that he went with her. She spent all the ball practically dangling from his arm, making him those puppy eyes that could bring him to his knees until he gave him a sloppy kiss on his cheek, and seriously, she had him so wrapped in her little finger that it wasn't funny anymore.

Even that, he thinks he has to thank the gods for this chance, even if she was a vision in the red dress she wore yesterday, dressed with a peasant dress from one of her maids, golden halo of hair framing her face, she is just beautiful.

"I want to drink something" she says, leaning on the table they share in a secluded corner of the tavern. It's cozy place, with sailors and farmers and merchants drinking and forgetting the hard days of work. Some of them even brought some instruments to play them as some woman dance to the happy rhythm and lure the more drunkard men to join them like sirens.

"Not bloody likely" he says, looking straight at her. "Your parents may decapitate me if they found that I've let you drink. Or worst, they'll kick me out of the navy."

"C'mon, Killian. It's my birthday. And what's the fun in going into a tavern and not drinking!"

"Yesterday was your birthday." He corrects her, sending her a disapproving look that she answers with a pout. "And we could dance or play some cards with some of those sailors, I worked with a few of them before…"

"Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee" she interrupts him.

_Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, don't-_

Bloody hell, she is making puppy eyes at him.

"Just one ale" he finally accedes and she smiles at him and calls for the bar maid.

He doesn't drink more than an ale thought, but he lets her drink a little more because she will never forgive him otherwise.

But he has to be at least a little more sober than her, he will never forgave himself if something happened to her in his watch and because of his fault.

Now that he thinks, he hasn't drink since Liam's first birthday after his dead. He was just sixteen and alone, Emma and her parents where in a diplomatic visits to Queen Aurora and King Philip's kingdom, so the only option he could fathom to ease the pain was to drown his tears in cheap alcohol.

What he didn't expect was that at some point between his second and six ale a pretty bar wench, way older than him, with beautiful blue eyes and chestnut hair would sit in his lap, singing to him like a siren and luring him into her bedchambers where they'd slept together.

When he woke up the next morning, who knows why, he thought her hair was blond with the first's rays of sun and that strangely made him feel content.

Her name was Milah, he learned that same morning as they got dressed.

He did come back to her after that, several times. They started some kind of dalliance. Killain knew from the first second it wouldn't be true love, he'd heard too many times Emma's parents' story to be able to recognize it. The looks, the care, the muted words, the touch.

He cared about her, a lot. She was a bright spot in his life after all the darkness in his past. He may have even loved her at some point.

She always talked about adventures and distant lands, making him remember of a 12 years old girl who dreamed about the sea on the tallest branches of a tree.

He promised her he would save enough money to buy his own ship and he'll take her everywhere she wanted to.

But things weren't meant to be.

A couple of months ago, she'd leaved in a pirate ship. She came to him for a last goodbye, with tears in her eyes and a last kiss on his lips.

It hurt, but he really did understand her.

Milah was a free bird, an untamed spirit. She could have lived with a simple naval officer obsessed with good form until the rest of her days, but he knew that that wouldn't have made her truly happy.

And he wasn't one to take away a woman's happy ending for his own sake.

So he'd let her go.

He is pulled out from his daydream when he hears her princess joyous laugh and she finishes another glass of alcohol.

Under the hood she is wearing to disguise herself, Killian can see her rosy cheeks rosy, her lips red and her eyes brilliant from the alcohol she drank. She starts to discard herself of the cloak, too hot now for wearing it. Luckily, everyone is too drunk at this moment to recognize the princess.

_Too hot_, he thinks now, seeing how her peasant dress hugs every curve he didn't know she had and makes him realize that Emma is no longer a child, or an ugly duckling, as his old self may have said.

_She is a beautiful young woman._

She stands up and moves to him, giggling and with a determined look on her face.

"C'mon Lieutenant" she says with a certain mocking tone at his new title, words slurred thanks to all the ale she just drink, her hands anchoring in his biceps for support. "You promised me a dance"

He doubts for a second, but before he has time to answer, her hands move to his, pulling him into the middle of the tavern.

She starts jumping and twirling around him, coping the sailors and wenches that have been dancing for a while now. When a drunken bastard makes a move to grave her by the ass, he steps in, taking her hands in his.

They are pressed from head to toe, to close to be good form.

He thinks her eyes flicker to his mouth and suddenly it's hard to breathe.

He starts to sway them with the rhythm of the music around the room, twirling her in his arms as angelic giggles escape from her lips and hit him straight in his heart.

It's the most happy and carefree he's seen her since the Neal incident.

After what seemed like hours of dancing, the exercise having sobered them up a little, they found themselves finally leaving the tavern still hours before dawn. He had to roll up his sleeves, jacket long forgotten to sit on Emma's shoulders seeing that the cold breeze made her shiver.

"I don't want to go home yet" she says breaking the silence, her arm intertwining with his and he has to take a deep breath. "Show me the world, Jones!"

"I think it's a little late for that, love" he chuckles and-_bloody hell, puppy eyes again_. "But I think I can do something"

Her smile makes everything worthy.

.

.

.

"Where are you taking me?" she says, arms extended in front of her, afraid she is going to crash into something.

"I'm not going to let you fall, Emma. Lower your arms." He answers her, his hands covering her eyes as he guides her through the woods. "Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you" she replies, slightly offended, "what I don't trust is that there isn't any rock or branch that can make me fall."

"It's not my fault the princess was born with two left feet" he mocks her.

"I think I just showed you how my coordination is perfectly fine, Jones"

He knows he doesn't mean it _that way_, but he stumbles for a moment.

"Look who has two left feet-"

"Shhhh." He answers her. "Keep quiet, you are going to scare them."

"Who?" Emma ask curiously.

"Them" Killian says as he pulls his hands away.

He feels her take a deep breath as she takes on the sight in front of her.

Hundreds, thousands of fireflies dance around them in the top of the hill, a perfect view of her kingdom and the sea right in front of them.

Once upon a time he heard a very much drunk Grumpy talk about this place, how it was the most beautiful sigh he ever saw. He always thought that he wasn't exactly talking about the view.

Seeing Emma's face he understands why.

Her pink lips are parted and curved in an amazed smile, her green eyes shining with the fireflies' lights, giving them an enchanted glow. Her golden hair is even brighten than the moon.

"Killian… this is…"

"Beautiful? I know."

Oh, how little is he talking about the view.

He is taken by surprise when her arms wind around his neck, but he doesn't hesitate a second to hug her back and sink his face in her hair.

Even after this night, she smells like cocoa, and lavender and _Emma._

She pulls back, her hands curling in the lapels of his shirt, a shy smile on her lips.

"Thank you" she whispers. "Never someone has done something like this for me"

"I'll do it every single time again."

Her eyelashes flutter and if he only leaned down just a little…

A bunch of fireflies go around her, pulling her away from him, but her hand has taken his as the little bugs tickle her.

And everything suddenly makes sense.

Looking at Emma, fireflies dancing around her, he now understand why his relationship with Milah was never meant to be.

_How can you be with someone when you are already in love with another woman?_

She laughs and looks at him, the fireflies forming a tiara in her hair, and the only thing he wants to do right now is pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless until the night becomes day. Until his last day and the world ends.

But he can't.

She is the same as Milah. She is a bird, _a swan_, ready to spread her wing and fly away and see the world on her own.

He can't tie her down for his selfish desires.

So he lets go of her hand and watches her enjoy the last hours of her night.

What he doesn't see is the sad look in her eyes when his hand leaves hers.

…

She is sixteen and she doesn't want to say goodbye.

Her parents chat during the carriage drive from their castle to the docks, where the Jewel of the realm is ready to sail.

And not come back until a year and six months from now.

She occasionally answers with a quick nod the casual questions of her mother (she knows she is trying to cheer her up, she really knows and appreciates it) but her mind drifts to her now lieutenant and how she screamed at him.

He came into her bedroom a week ago in the last hours of the afternoon, the sky tinted in shades of pink and orange as she reads a book of poetry she found hidden in the library. When she read the first poem, she instantly felt in love with it.

She is rereading it for the hundred time when she hears someone knocking.

"Come in" she says, voice calm as she stands up, leaving the book in the chair.

Killian Jones sneaks in her room with a solemn expression and she doesn't like it.

She walks, runs to him and when she is going to take her friend hands he takes a step away.

He has been like that for months, since he'd take her to see the fireflies. Distant, sad. She cornered him so many times but she never really got a proper answers.

"What happened?" She asks as she folds her hands in front of her, like she has been burned.

"I'm leaving on a mission"

She releases the breath she's been holding.

"That's it? God, Killian, you scared me." She answers with a smile on her lips. "How long this time? Two? Three months?"

He doesn't even look at her as he says the words.

"One year and six months"

"What?" She feels her heart stop. "And when are you leaving?"

"In three days." He takes a deep breath. "I choose it"

"Why? What it's so horrible here that you want to leave?"

He chuckles with a humorless laugh and tries to evade her eyes.

"Because it's for the best. You'll understand."

There is a long silence and then she hits him square in the chest.

"I thought you cared! I thought you were my friend" She screams with rage.

"Emma, I..."

"Get out!" She screams with rage. "Get out! Leave!"

He just nods at her and disappears as quickly as he came.

Her legs give up as she falls into the floor. He's leaving her and that makes her heart ache.

The carriage bumps and she is pulled out from her thoughts just in time to hear her father asking her for the sword fighting lessons.

"Good" she mutters as her mother throws her a knowing look.

.

.

.

It's still early in the morning when they arrive to the docks, where the Jewel of the real stands proudly amount merchant and naval ships.

She always thought it was a beautiful ship.

Now she hates it.

There is a cold air that chills her bones as she stays next to their carriage while her parent's talks to the ship captain's.

After all this years, it still feels weird to her not to see the blue eyed captain with an easy smile in that place.

She tries to get warm herself rubbing her palms over her arms. Who thought it was a good idea to wear a short sleeved dress today?

It may be one of her prettiest dresses. It's light blue, like the sky at the first our in the morning, with little jewels sewed into the bodice and the skirts, just in all right places. It's not as pompous as her ballroom dresses, the skirts falls around her waist in a simple way that reminds her of some of the dresses she's seen her people wear when she snickers into the market unguarded well not unguarded he always follows her wherever she goes but she is not thinking about him.

She doesn't want to see him, she doesn't care what he thinks anymore

He is leaving her at his own will, after all.

She doesn't see him either way, he is probably hiding in the ship, the coward.

"Good morning, princess" A too familiar voice says at her right. "I thought you wouldn't come"

She jumps, her heart beating to fast because the damned man is silent like a cat and he scared her. She takes a deep breath, trying to ignore the thousand thoughts that run wild on her head.

"I didn't want to come" she replies not looking at him, finding a new interest on her shoes. "But… princess duties."

He nods, because he understands. She can't count with her hands how many hours she spent in the garden with him, laying on the grass and eating sweets they sneaked from the kitchen as she complained about having to handle stick up in the ass princes and lords, or having to endure etiquette classes.

"Look… I'm sorry" his words pick up her interest, making her raise her head to finally look at his baby blues eyes. "I shouldn't have acted like that"

"Yeah, you shouldn't"

"Emma I… you may not believe me now, but this is for the best."

"What is for the best?" she replies with an angry whisper. "You leaving me? You probably never coming back?" her voice breaks slightly. God, she is not going to cry. "You are my best friend Killian, you've been for so many my years the only person I could truly rely on. Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because I'm trying to do the right thing!" he replies in the same tone.

"I'm sorry if you think like that because I need you and I don't want you to go!" she barks and she has the urge to clasp her hands over her mouth.

She feels like she could cut the silence between them with a knife.

Suddenly she is pressed against his warm chest and she doesn't doubt for a second to hug him back.

God, how she missed his hugs.

"I'm so sorry Emma." He whispers against her hair. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay now." Emma says, voice muffled against his shirt. "As long as you come back"

"I'll always come back for you." He kisses the top of her head as his arms struggle to leave her middle.

When they finally pull away, she gives him a crooked smile.

"I'll miss you"

"I'll miss you too, Swan"

She really laughs at that.

"Swan? I'm not an ugly duckling anymore?"

"You are no longer a duckling. And you were never ugly."

His captain is calling for him, and he takes her hand to press his lips into her knuckles, making her blush.

"See you soon, my princess."

"See you soon, Lieutenant." She answers reaching for his hat that has been crocked.

He gives her one last nod with his head and starts walking to the gangplank to aboard the ship.

"Wait!" she says, running after him. "Take this" Emma takes from her cloak her poetry book, putting it in his hands.

He knows what book is, how much she loves it.

He'll probably understand why she loved it so much.

"Thank you" Killian says, leaving a last kiss in her hair before finally embarking into the Jewel.

When the ship finally leaves port, she stays in the docks until the Jewel is nothing more than a dot in the horizon tinted with the vibrant colors of the sunset.

She's been sitting in a wooden box for hours staring at the ocean when a familiar hand squeezes her shoulders.

She feels her mother sitting beside her, and she barely hears their servants gasping at the idea of the queen ruining her dress with the dirt of the docks.

_Like mother like daughter._

Emma rest her head on Snow's shoulder, her mother gently caressing her hair.

After what feel like an eternity, when the sky is full of stars, her mother finally talks to her.

"We should head back, honey." Snow whispers, dropping a kiss on her forehead.

_Right there Killian kissed her hours ago. _

"But…"

"He'll come back to you soon, Emma" Her mother cuts her with a knowing smile.

She is about to reply, they are just friends, he'll just come back, he'll not come back _for her._

And when that thought makes her sad, she realizes that what she is trying to evade since she was eleven years old finally happened.

"You always knew everything would lead to this, right mom?" Emma says as she snuggles next to her mother, her arms coming to hug her.

"Of course, sweetheart, I always had a knack for this kind of things."

She is sixteen and she is in love with his best friend and fiancé.

And she isn't going to hear about him in a long time.


End file.
